toddlers | Right from the Start

It’s not every day that you wake up to the sight of a dead deer in your garden! I was first alerted to the fact when my dogs hadn’t come to whine at the door after being let out. My 7-year-old went to find them and see if they had gone into the woods at the bottom of our garden. She returned and said that there was something lying down behind the dog, I asked how big and she said she didn’t know. I was expecting to find a frog or maybe a bird but was confronted by the above.

I wasn’t sure whether to let my 2-year-old see it, she really wanted to see the ‘reindeer’ but I thought she might be frightened. However, I’m always keen to avoid sheltering my children so we went to the bottom of the garden so that I could gauge her response.

She was in fact absolutely fascinated by it. It isn’t often that you will get the chance to see a deer that close so we could look at it and talk about it. I pointed out its hoofs and she said

maybe it will get proper feet – does it have to go like this? (standing on tiptoe).

From the outset I talked about how it was dead. I think children are very matter of fact about such things and their questions should be answered honestly but in a sensitive manner. She saw that it had hurt its legs and was very concerned,

Maybe we could put it in the shower or in the bath and make its leg better?

I explained that we couldn’t put it in the bath and that we didn’t need to make it better because the deer didn’t hurt anymore, he couldn’t feel it because he was dead

Does it have arms?

No it has 4 legs like the dogs. Most animals don’t have arms.

But we have arms.

Yes.

Perhaps when we talked about the deer not feeling hurt, she was thinking of feeling as touch.

Not that it’s likely that many of you will encounter a dead deer in your garden, but would you know what to do if you did? Probably not, well neither did I and it took about 2 hours to find the answer. First port of call the vets – I thought they might be able to point me in the right direction. They gave me the number of the RSPCA and the local council. According to the council a wild animal can only be collected from the roadside or public place, if it is on private property then the disposal is your own responsibility. If I couldn’t find anyone to collect it then it became an environmental health issue and they would come and collect it. The RSPCA suggested I contact DEFRA . They said that they would normally advise people to dispose of animals in normal refuse, but that a deer probably wouldn’t fit! Their advice was to call the council again. The senior staff at the council finally authorised collection free of charge.

The men arrived and my 2-year-old delighted in showing them the way, saying ‘we think it is dead’. I think they had visions of an animal that as soon as they moved it would start kicking out – I reassured them that it was dead. The small antlers were caught around the tree and the deer was too big to fit in the bag they had brought so they carried it up the garden.

Oh look it’s awake now

my daughter said when she saw its eyes wide open. She wanted to see them put it in the van and know where it was going. I told her that they would probably bury it. They put it in a yellow bag and onto the truck.

Are the mummy and daddy reindeer dead?

I don’t think so, they might be looking for it – poor deer

It’s alright reindeer you’ll get better soon.

We waved goodbye to the deer and the men. So that was her first experience of death – we will see what other questions it raises in the coming days. For now she has gone to bed with her cuddly reindeer kissing it’s legs and telling it she will give it a plaster to make it better.

The bedroom door opens and a loud and enthusiastic voice proudly announces that she has opened her own door. She attempts to climb over everyone in the bed asks for covers and then announces that she is hungry and wants breakfast. We are lucky if we get breakfast on the table without a shriek of ‘No me’ or ‘mummy do it’ if her sister tries to help. ‘Me do it’ is the favourite phrase when getting dressed, followed by a Rumpelstiltskin stamp and jump if she fails. Late for school again, we are lucky if we make it that far without a tantrum over picking a flower, whether to walk or get back in the buggy, wanting to bring something we have left behind or failing to say hello to someone on our way.

Welcome to a typical morning in the McClary household courtesy of my challenging middle daughter aged 2 and a half. I don’t remember the 2’s being particularly terrible with my eldest, perhaps memory fails me, but then she didn’t have to compete with 2 sisters for attention. I was once told that 2 year olds are not deliberately difficult, they just make mistakes. I’m not always convinced – particularly when I say don’t wake your sister and she proceeds to shout in her loudest voice . We give her a hard press sometimes but always come back to how gorgeous she is. When a day starts in this way it’s often difficult to focus on the positives but in reality there are lots of lovely things about 2 year olds.

The pride that they show when they achieve things – my daughter beams and says ‘I did it’ . As difficult as it may be to let her do things herself , especially when we are in a rush it’s wonderful to see her achieve things. Hopefully she will soon be independent and able to dress herself by the age of 3 like her sister. I also remember my eldest making me breakfast for the first time before she turned 3.

Though often toddlers like to challenge us and do the opposite of what we say, they also love being helpful. If you give my daughter and her friend a special job to do they are eager to help. She is good at tidying up, putting things in the bin, helping put the washing in the machine and feeding the dogs.

She is incredibly loving . She loves to have hugs and often says ‘I love you’ . She wakes me in the morning with a hug and a kiss and if her dad is away says ‘ I want my daddy’ and sometimes when her sister is at school ‘ I want my sister’.

I love the way she can hold a long telephone conversation . She makes funny little mistakes like showing my dad that it is raining in our garden ‘ look, see, in this garden. It is raining’ or that anything that happened in the past is referred to as yesterday. She sometimes has telephone conversations with her best friend.

Her vocabulary is improving all the time and never ceases to amaze me. I love listening to her use new words and phrases and hearing the things she has obviously picked up from us or her sister.

I love hearing her laugh – she is incredibly ticklish and it’s lovely to hear her unrestrained laughter.

She is still working out how things work so sometimes comes out with funny things. Recently she said ‘mummy remember I lost you and you were in hospital, then we went to hospital to buy my baby sister’ or the time that she saw horse manure on the road and said ‘mummy has the road done a poo?’

I love that she is learning new things all the time and her beaming smile when she discovers something new. Her latest discovery is rhyme and often recognises rhyming words and proceeds to list as many word as she can that rhyme with the original word.

I love reading stories with her. She has had a love of books from before she was a year old and is always asking for stories. When she is getting difficult because she is tired she will sit and cuddle in to you sharing her favourite books. It’s also lovely to see her ‘reading’ books for herself – reciting the well-known phrases verbatim . If you give her a book with single words accompanied by a picture she believes she can read and looks so impressed.

I often find myself hoping that the 2’s will soon end in the hope that we will have a more civilised little girl. This exercise has reminded me of all the lovely things about her and that sometimes I should take a step back and remember those things. Children grow up so quickly and soon these times will have been and gone and I’ll wish I had appreciated them more.

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