Tag Archives: mother’s Day

Two Mother’s Days: One for Remembrance and One for Me

vase of daffodilsI never really enjoy Mother’s Day, for me it is a day of sadness mixed with guilt. If I don’t have a good time I’m not recognising the love of my own children and denying them a day of spoiling me and making me happy.

I lost my mother before I had children so Mother’s Day has always been  bittersweet. This year for the first time I had the opportunity to change that. Mother’s Day in the US is not until May, so on Sunday (Mother’s  Day in the UK) I was able to remember Mum without feeling guilty that I wasn’t getting into the spirit of the day for my own kids.

I wasn’t able to visit Mum’s grave with flowers but it was fine to be sad and reflective.

In fact my children now appreciate that Mother’s Day is tough. My husband and the girls brought me breakfast in bed, with a vase of daffodils from the garden. They went out shopping and came back with proper Cornish pasties for lunch and my favourite sweets in a Welsh mug. It was really lovely to feel that they had bought them to say, we know it’s a tough day but we love you and want to make it better. I could even spend the day cleaning the house because it made me feel better.

I’m so glad that I no longer need to wrestle with my conscience on Mother’s Day and when US Mother’s Day comes, I’ll make sure it is a special, happy family day.

The Bitter Sweet of Mother’s Day

Most Mums wake up on Mother’s day looking forward to a day with their family, being spoiled and looked after.  The Facebook status of my friends who have children has been full of Happy Mother’s Day wishes and talk of what a great day they have had.  I struggle with what I should feel about Mother’s Day.  Since losing my own mother ‘Happy Mother’s Day ‘ somehow doesn’t seem quite appropriate – yet I do want to celebrate with my own children.

I lost my own mum 10 years ago at the tender age of 54 – she never had the chance to meet my girls, and she had so desperately looked forward to being a grandmother.  Mother’s Day is the day when I remember her most , thinking about what a fantastic mum she was and all the things we shared that I still miss.  I am sad that my children will never know her and that the support and encouragement she would have given me when I became a mum is missing.

To  a certain degree today has been a happy day.  This morning I had the pleasure of being brought breakfast in bed by my 6 year old, along with a small bunch of flowers from the garden, a handmade card and some ‘helping vouchers. 

I like to visit mum’s grave in South Wales on Mother’s Day.  It is always strange doing this with the children.   My 6 year old is beginning to understand who ‘Nanny Wendy’ is and why we go to lay flowers and remember her. It is difficult for my 2 year old to understand, ‘Who is Nanny Wendy?’ and ‘Where is Nanny Wendy?’ she asks.

So Mother’s Day for me is a strange day – I look forward to it and dread it, I celebrate the many joys of being a mum but it is always tinged with sadness and loss. I think it’s the ‘Happy’ Mother’s Day that I struggle with most – it seems somehow inappropriate to be happy on a day of remembrance.  So for all those who have lost their mum’s I’ll say a more fitting ‘Best Wishes’ for Mother’s Day.