I’m really excited because this week I’m finally going to see Waitress. I’ve loved this song since I heard Jessie Mueller sing it on the Tony awards a few years ago and I’ve been meaning to record it ever since.
Through the many transitions of life, we all have times when we no longer recognise ourselves and long for our younger selves. I felt this loss of identity, intensely when I was at home all day with three small children. There seemed to be no time for me, to look after my appearance, to get out of the house and be myself or to have a purpose other than being a mum. As they get older, after so many years of being at home, I struggle to find my purpose and identity when they are not around.
As I approach my late 40’s, sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if it is really me. I long for my youthful skin and slender body. However, some of the things I missed when I was a mum of young children, are creeping back. I’ve rediscovered old hobbies like dancing and singing and explored new ones, like playing the ukulele. This is my first recorded attempt at playing an instrument and singing at the same time (a new and exciting skill for me). As the song says ‘she’s imperfect but she tries’. Fear of being imperfect holds me back in many things, this is an attempt to let some of that go.
Almost every decade past the age of thirty brings a shift in identity; becoming parents, returning to the workforce, kids leaving home, divorce and separation, retirement, old age, all make us re-evaluate who we are. This song is a sad song about wishing you were who you used to be, but also a song of hope. The people we used to be are still there, we are those people, but our life experiences add depth to them. It is natural to miss who we used to be, but carry them with you through life, they are us and we are them.